Question#
1:
I am a 20
year old
male, in
good
shape, and
very
physically
active.
Recently,
a friend
of mine
asked me
if I
wanted to
have sex
with her.
I
was a
virgin and
had only
made out
with her
twice the
week
before. I
had
only known
her for 3
weeks but
figured
that she
would be a
good
person to
practice
with as
she is
very calm,
open
minded,
and really
sexually
driven.
When we
had sex, I
would only
get as
hard as a
5 or 6 (on
10
point
scale, ten
being the
hardest
I've
been). And
then
almost
immediately,
after
entering
her, I
would lose
my
erection.
We
tried on
and off
for about
3 hours to
try to
have full
orgasmic
>intercourse.
We even
tried
mutual
masturbation,
oral sex,
and hand
jobs.
Still,
every time
that I'd
go to
enter her,
I'd lose
my
erection.
I'm not
highly
attracted
to her,
but is
there
something
wrong with
me? How
could
I be
really
hard and
long
lasting
when I'm
masturbating,
but not
when I'm
having
intercourse
with her?
Reply
to# 1:
Your
concern is
not
uncommon.
Losing
your
virginity
involves
more than
just a
physical
or
sexual-physiological
release;
it also
harbours
an
emotional
component.
Most
people
(men
included)
wait to
lose their
virginity
to a
partner
they have
strong
feelings
for; they
"make
love"
instead of
just
having sex
with "a
person to
practice
with".
Simply
put,
you are
more
sensitive
than you
may be
aware of
(this is a
compliment);
as such,
your
emotions
(or lack
thereof)
are
countering
your
sexual
response
cycle. A
hint to
the wise:
Sometimes
our
smaller
"head" is
smarter
than our
bigger one
- wait
until you
fall in
love with
someone
and really
want to
share this
special
interaction
with her.
Question#
2:
My wife of
20 years
is
extremely
shy about
oral sex.
We have
had a
long talk
about it
and there
isn't any
real
reason for
her "fear"
of it.
She is
actually
wanting to
learn now
after all
this time.
What is
the
best way I
can help
"teach"
her and
make her
comfortable
with this?
Reply
to# 2:
I'm glad
you and
your wife
had a talk
about this
issue. It
is
important
that she,
without
any
pressure
from
anyone
else, is
the one
who wants
to
learn more
about oral
sex. First
of all,
besides
the
Victorian
guilt and
shame
associated
with
"going
down" on
someone,
there are
other
possible
deterrence's
which need
to be
dealt
with. Some
women
complain
that oral
sex
is "dirty"
or that it
tastes and
smells
bad, while
others do
not like
the
pubic hair
which may
get stuck
to their
tongue.
Yet others
fear that
the
semen is
unhealthy.
To
eradicate
these
complaints,
before
your
love-making
sessions,
you could
have a
shower,
paying
special
attention
to washing
your
genitals
thoroughly.
You could
also apply
some tasty
lubricant
gel or
cream to
avoid any
smell.
Perhaps
you could
shave or
at
least trim
your pubic
hair.
Though
semen
contains
water,
fructose,
minerals
and
protein,
and is not
unhealthy
(provided
the male
does not
have a
vital
infection),
comfort
your wife
by telling
her that
you will
not
ejaculate
in her
mouth. Now
that taken
care of,
there are
some
behavioral
techniques
which your
wife could
use.
Essentially,
you want
to
help your
partner to
gradually
feel
progressively
more
comfortable
with
your
penis. The
first
couple of
sessions
she could
hold and
examine in
detail how
your penis
looks. The
next
sessions,
she could
kiss it
all
over. This
would lead
to licking
in the
next
sessions.
If she is
still
comfortable
with the
pace, and
if no
recognizable
conflicts
should
arise,
then she
could
insert the
head of
the penis
in the
following
sessions.
Remember
that
during
this
process,
your wife
will
require
validation
from
you. As
she begins
to see
that you
are
enjoying
what she
is doing,
she
will gain
the
confidence
to
experiment
more.
Question#
3:
Most times
when my
boyfriend
and I have
sex there
are times
when he is
thrusting
and my
vagina
will make
an
embarrassing
sound. And
if he
pulls
all the
way out to
change
positions
it is even
worse! It
is almost
like a
farting
sound. And
if we are
not using
a condom
and he
ejaculates
inside
of me his
ejaculate
just falls
out. Can
you help
me figure
out what
is
wrong with
me? It is
so
embarrassing.
I am at
the point
where I
try to
avoid sex
all
together!
Thank you!
Reply to#
3:
First of
all, there
is
absolutely
nothing
"wrong"
with you.
What you
are
describing
is
referred
to in
layman's
term as
"vaginal
farting",
something
most, if
not all,
women
experience
at some
time.
Basically,
when you
are
having
intercourse
with your
partner,
your
vagina
accumulates
air. Now
when your
partner
thrusts
deeply
into the
trapped
air, you
hear this
sound. You
did not
share how
you
boyfriend
feels
about this
sound. I
would
recommend
that you
let him
read the
answers to
your
question
so
that he
too does
not regard
the
"farting"
as a
concern. A
bit of
advice:
next time
it
happens,
instead of
becoming
self-conscious,
just look
at
one
another
and have a
chuckle
together.
Having
good sex
is about
sharing
all
aspects of
one's
sexual
response
together.
Question#
4:
The
past
couple of
years I
have had
some
extreme
bisexual
fantasies
that I
have yet
to act
upon.
Should I
share this
new view
with
my fiancé
of past
four
years? I
think he
might want
to join in
but don't
want
to risk
losing him
either.
Reply to#
4:
Though
it is true
that your
fantasies
are your
personal
domain, it
is also
true that
a
long-term,
trusting
relationship
is built
on
sharing,
and
thereby
getting to
know each
other as a
result of
it.
Knowing
how your
fiancé
feels
about your
desires
now,
before you
get
married,
is
probably a
good idea.
Whether he
participates
or not,
remember
that this
is your
fantasy,
not his.
So do not
pressure
him about
having to
fulfill
your
desire. If
he is
game, fair
enough,
but if he
does not
share your
passion,
you know
where you
stand
before you
marry him.
As a side
note,
remember
that
sometimes
fantasies
are meant
to stay as
fantasies;
acting
them out
sometimes
spoils the
magic.
Question#
5:
My
question
is a very
important
question
which I do
hope I can
get an
answer
with some
medical
facts to
back it
up. Me and
my fiancé
have been
having a
very
difficult
time
having
sex. I
cannot
stay hard.
I can
masturbate
and get
full
erections
and can
even have
sex with
other
people
without
any
problems.
She has
never had
a guy not
be able to
stay hard
and
orgasm. So
we both
went to
the doctor
and got
checked
out.
Everything
with both
of us is
perfect.
No
diabetes
or any
other
health
concerns.
We
did some
research
on the
Internet
and found
some
reasons
why I
can't stay
hard or
orgasm
when we
have sex.
First, is
she is too
wet and
therefore
we don't
create
much
friction.
Well, we
tired some
things and
that
doesn't
seem to be
the
problem.
The other
is the
size of
her
vagina, or
how strong
her vagina
is. She
does the
Kegil
exercises
but I am
wondering
if a
woman's
vagina can
just be
big enough
to where
my average
size penis
will not
feel
>enough to
maintain
an
erection.
Could she
really be
big and I
be too
small? If
this is
true, what
are some
legitimate
ways to
fix the
>problem?
I have
seen some
things
about
surgery to
make a
woman's
>vagina
tighter. I
really
appreciate
your time
reading
this and
await your
reply.
Thanks.
Reply to#
5:
It
appears
that your
concern is
not
physical
or
medical,
but more a
symptom of
a
psychological
and/or
relational
state.
First of
all, to
allay one
of your
concerns,
you cannot
be too
"small" or
your
fiancée's
vagina
cannot be
too "big"
for you
both to
have
intercourse.
The vagina
is a
wonderful
anatomical
structure
which,
when
penetrated,
closes
down
on the
penis,
adjusting
to its
size and
circumference.
There
should be
adequate
friction
for you to
maintain
an
erection
to orgasm.
In cases
like the
one you
shared,
there is
usually a
deeper,
sometimes
unconscious,
reason for
the
presented
issue. You
say that
you "can
even
have sex
with other
people"
without
problems
arising.
Do you
mean that
you, while
having a
fiancée
are having
sex with
other
people? If
so, what
does this
say about
your love
and
commitment
towards
the woman
you wish
to marry?
Which
brings me
to my next
point: are
you having
second
thoughts
about your
upcoming
marriage?
Sometimes
the body
is a
thermometer
for
psychological
duress. In
other
words, if
you are
having
second
thoughts,
this could
be making
you feel
guilty,
and this
guilt
could
manifest
itself in
erectile
issues. I
would
strongly
suggest
that
you have
an open,
honest
dialogue
with your
fiancée
about your
feelings
about her,
the
wedding,
and your
relationship
in
general.
Doing so
may
comfort
you and
give you
back the
sexual
confidence
you strive
for.
Question#
6:
I have
been with
my
boyfriend
for 6
years. I
always
thought we
had a
good sex
life until
he let me
know he
would like
it if I
had big
boobs. I
can't help
the body I
have but
now I
don't feel
comfortable
having sex
with him.
He watches
porn on
the
Internet.
I feel
like I am
unattractive
to him.
What can I
do?
Reply to#
6:
Do not
take your
boyfriend's
comments
as a
personal
attack
against
you or
your
sexuality.
We all
have
fantasies,
and
sometimes
our
fantasies
include
having sex
with
someone
with a
particular
body type.
Perhaps at
this
stage of
his life,
your
boyfriend
is
infatuated
with
breasts.
So why not
help him
out a bit
and buy a
push-up
bra to add
spice to
your love
life.
Hopefully
he
appreciates
your
"gift" to
him and
reciprocates
by being
more aware
of your
feelings.
Question#
7:
I
have been
married
for about
a year now
and the
sex life
is great
except
that I
don't feel
I
completely
satisfy my
husband. I
am
afraid to
try new
things
cause I
don't have
much
experience
and he has
plenty
more
experience.
What are
some
things I
can try to
please my
husband?
Reply to#
7:
I'm
wondering
why you
feel that
you are
not
satisfying
your
husband.
Has
he given
you any
indication
of this or
is it that
you would
like to
please him
more? I
suggest
that you
have an
open
discussion
with your
partner
about your
concerns.
He will be
flattered
that you,
despite
the
"sex life
[being]
great",
are trying
to make an
extra
effort.
Encourage
him to
share some
of his
fantasies
with you,
which
could be
very
exciting
for both
of you,
and ask
him if he
would like
to live
out some
of them
with you.
Keep in
mind that
it does
not take
experience
to try new
things; in
fact, it
is the
inexperience
that makes
trying new
things
that
much more
fun.
Question#
8:
I'm a
24 year
old,
engaged
female who
has never
experienced
an orgasm.
I often
worry that
this will
cause
major
problems
in my
married
life as it
can be
very
frustrating
at times.
I have
been to a
sex
therapist
and I have
not seen
any
results.
What more
can I do?
Reply to#
8:
Since
you have
consulted
a sex
therapist,
I am
assuming
that you
have
already
tried
masturbation
and
perhaps
relaxation
exercises.
If these
did
not help,
there may
be deeper
issues you
may need
to
address.
You say
that
"it can be
very
frustrating
at times".
I am
wondering
who this
is
frustrating
for, you
or your
partner.
Orgasm is
a
physiological
reflex
which
occurs
when one's
physical,
psychological
and
emotional
needs are
being met;
and it
does not
occur in
the
presence
of
anxiety.
Therefore,
when you
become
frustrated,
the
accompanying
anxiety is
counter-productive
to you
climaxing.
Also, if
this poses
an issue
for
your
partner,
you really
need to
examine
your
relationship
with him.
A
loving man
will be
supportive,
not
critical,
of you.
Perhaps
you could
also look
at your
beliefs
surrounding
sexual or
women's
issues.
Did your
family of
origin
speak
negatively
about sex
(especially
female
sexuality)?
If so, you
could
contact a
sex
therapist
who does
psychoanalysis,
and
together
explore
unconscious
fears
pertaining
to your
sexuality.
Sex-positive
workshops
are also
beneficial
in
obtaining
support
and
learning
new
techniques.
Question
#9:
I am
a 29 year
old who
loves to
have sex
with my
husband
and when I
have
orgasms, I
almost
pass out
or at
least feel
like I am
going to.
Is it
possible
to
actually
pass out?
Reply to
#9:
Yes,
some
people
have
reported
experiencing
a
physiological
state
similar
to
"passing
out".
However,
it is only
for a
short
time. What
I'm
hearing
from your
question
is some
deeper
level of
concern.
Are you
afraid of
becoming
unconscious?
Examine
your
concerns
about this
issue and
communicate
them to
your
husband.
His
support
and
understanding
will help
alleviate
your
deeper
concerns.
Not
discussing
this
issue, on
the other
hand, may
detract
from you
enjoying
what
appears to
be a
satisfying
sex
life.
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