Dear Dr. Faizal,
Do men know when women have orgasms?
Dr. Faizal’s Answer:
When women (and men) experience orgasm, they have genital “convulsions” anywhere from 3 to 5), each lasting approximately 0.8 seconds in duration, which is followed by a period of “rest” (or resolution). You may be able to feel your partner climaxing during intercourse or while you are manually penetrating her. Aside from this, my concern is the reason behind your question. Why is knowing when your partner has an orgasm important to you? Do you believe she is climaxing and not telling you or do you feel that she is “faking it”?
In both circumstances, it would be beneficial for both of you to communicate your needs to the other. Women sometimes fake orgasms to please their boyfriend and perhaps to solidify the relationship. Ironically, the resentment these women feel for not having their sexual needs met is a detriment to this very relationship. Faking orgasm validates the partner’s sexual behavior; in other words, the male thinks that whatever he is doing is enough or” correct” for his partner to climax. He therefore becomes conditioned to behave in the same way, much to the chagrin of his female partner, who, all the while, is becoming more resentful of her partner’s incompetence. Ask your partner openly and non-judgmentally about what she would like during sex and for how long, and so on.