Fantasies

Sharing Fantasies, Bisexual Fantasies

Dear Dr. Faizal,

The past couple of years I have had some extreme bisexual fantasies that I have yet to act upon. Should I share this new view with my fiancé of past four years? I think he might want to join in but don’t want to risk losing him either.

Dr. Faizal’s Answer:

Though it is true that your fantasies are your personal domain, it is also true that a long-term, trusting relationship is built on sharing, and thereby getting to know each other as a result of it. Knowing how your fiancé feels about your desires now, before you get married, is probably a good idea. Whether he participates or not, remember that this is your fantasy, not his. So do not pressure him about having to fulfill your desire. If he is game, fair enough, but if he does not share your passion, you know where you stand before you marry him. As a side note, remember that sometimes fantasies are meant to stay as fantasies; acting them out sometimes spoils the magic.

 

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Watching Porn and Body Image

Dear Dr. Faizal,

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I always thought we had a good sex life until he let me know he would like it if I had big boobs. I can’t help the body I have but now I don’t feel comfortable having sex with him. He watches porn on the Internet. I feel like I am unattractive to him. What can I do?

Dr. Faizal’s Answer:

Do not take your boyfriend’s comments as a personal attack against you or your sexuality. We all have fantasies, and sometimes our fantasies include having sex with someone with a particular body type. Perhaps at this stage of his life, your boyfriend is infatuated with breasts. So why not help him out a bit and buy a push-up bra to add spice to your love life. Hopefully he appreciates your

“gift” to him and reciprocates by being more aware of your feelings.

 

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Taboo, Fantasy

 

Dear Dr. Faizal,

I have a kind of embarrassing problem. Sometimes when I masturbate my mind wanders and random people pop in my head, sometimes family members. After, I am ashamed that this happened. I don’t think I can face these people. I feel terrible and disgusting. Is this a normal thing?

Dr. Faizal’s Answer:

Fantasizing while we masturbate is a “normal” expression of our sexuality. Sometimes people we know and are attracted to “pop” into our consciousness. And sometimes these people just happen to be family members, whom we consider inappropriate or even taboo to consider in a sexual manner. Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong in fantasizing, whether conscious or unconscious, just as long as you do not act upon your fantasies. This is not uncommon, so do not beat yourself up over this “normal” situation.